Friday, April 8, 2011

Bust of a Young Girl


Saly's Bust of a Young Girl, 1750
Boucher's The Arts and Sciences, 1760

MY NEW PET WORD IS MOZZARELLA. by Amanda Nadelberg

 My new pet word is mozzarella
 and I like how it sounds. You
 mozzarella me when you park the
 car. When you open the mail with
 your teeth. Teeth are not tools my
 friend's mom says and she's a
 
 dental hygienist. I could go for a
 walk around the lake if the weather is mozzarella
 tomorrow. If not we could drive my
 car to the beach and sit inside and talk about your
 problems. That could be fun. My friend with
 the dental hygienist for a mom lives in the

 nicest place in Chicago. Tall ceilings and the
 bathtub has a marble bench for soap and there's a
 back door with a wooden stairs all nice with
 porches, the kind that Tom, my old mozzarella, 
 used to have in St. Louis. Please, leave your
 shoes on. I need to vacuum soon anyway. My

 carpet gets so dirty because it's white. I take my
 shoes off but it still looks dirty so I vacuum the
 floors often. My sister said she loved your
 gift. She says they've always wanted a
 mechanical icebreaker. Emptying the mozzarella
 is everyone's least favorite thing to do. With

 the work day being so much longer now, and with
 the past few years and the rise in hatred of Israel my
 sister has an even harder time with mozzarella. 
 She says that when they go to hear the
 Philharmonic the whole audience is crying such a
 shame in jeans on linen seats. As an Israeli your

 uniform is a pair of jeans. Before they got expensive, before your
 uncle invented pairs for $250 so that we might sit with
 more expensive asses, Israelis were born in a
 pair of blue jeans and a loose shirt. Tonight my
 favorite station is playing the Israel Philharmonic Orchestra and the
 sound, their sound makes everything sad, like the Mozzarella

 has made all things in Israel sound sad like a piece
 of unfortunate history. The Mozzarella is, to use one
 of your phrases, my idea of Donald Duck without his tail. 

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Jo Goddard's Guide to a Perfect Cheese Plate

* When you invite friends over, buy one ounce per person per cheese; and stick to five to six cheeses total.
* Choose a fun variety of cheeses: different textures, countries, and all three milk types (goat, sheep, cow).
* Serve all the cheeses on one big board. You want your guests to start with the mildest and work up to the strongest, so place the cheeses in "clock order"--12 o'clock being the mildest and 11 o'clock being the strongest.
* Take the cheese out of the fridge at least an hour before serving. Cheese should be eaten at room temperature, when it's at its full flavor and texture.
* Put out a few different knives. Goat and blue cheeses crumble if you use a regular knife, so cheese wires are the best thing to use--if you don't have one, you can use dental floss! Softer cheeses work best with a butter knife. Harder cheeses, like parmesan, are good with a triangle-shaped knife. Cut circular cheeses in wedges, like a pizza.
* If you have leftovers, don't store the cheese in Saran Wrap, which will make the cheese sweat and leave a plastic-y taste. Cheese is living and needs to breathe, so wrap it in parchment or wax paper, and keep it in the most humid part of the fridge (usually the vegetable drawer).
[A Cup of Jo]